It should be forbidden to love again. Especially when you get your heart broken so many times.

    All my life, I have never been emotionally attached to someone specifically a person of a different gender. I do have a crush on someone before, but it's not that serious to the point that I want to tell them what I felt. It's just that they fit into my standards of liking and I enjoy admiring them from afar, nothing serious. 

    I do want to experience the feeling of 'being loved' at some point since it's something foreign and I have never been through something like that before. It must be calming, talking to someone who shares the same interest as you and having someone who's actually interested to know about your days. However, I stopped feeling this way because my crushes never work. It’s always one-sided. They will end up being far away from me and worse, got themselves a new partner the next few days. It has happened so many times that it eventually numbed myself from the feeling of despair. I have finally stopped having dumb crushes on someone to focus solely on myself now.

    I get it’s fun to date, but looking back at my friends and their dates, or just people who have partners in general, I am never ready for that kind of commitments. I don’t want to feel unworthy when that person left or find someone better. I’ve had a hard time to finally reach the point where I can truly love myself and accept that I am special in my own way. I don’t want someone else to ever change the way I feel about myself. So that’s it. Isn’t it better to stay on your own for now? We are all still struggling to find the true meaning of life and love. For me, I still want to discover the meanings on my own and stop seeking them from others. I like how things are right now and I want it to stay that way, at least for now.